He Said, She Said: Moments of Solitude
Today we are talking about moments of solitude. You know, those moments when you say enough is enough, turn the volume down, and pretend that your life does not exist. Or hope that somehow the world forgets about it...even for a second.
I suspect that the reason why I cherish these moments as much as I do has a lot to do with some of the professional choices I have made. Being in academia, weds you not only to a substantive area of interest but also to a way of being that requires continuous interactions of the argumentative kind. We read each other's work to learn from it but mostly to critique it. We buy each other's arguments, but mostly after modifying them ever so slightly. We appreciate each other's texts, especially when YOUR reasoning helps me make MY point. That, to quote my mom, is exhausting. There's only so much talking one can do in a day. There's only so many arguments one can unpack. There's a limited number of questions one can answer. There's only so much self-righteousness one can tolerate.
What do I do to remove myself from all that? I read teenage blogs of silly girls who worry about their thigh-to-butt transition area. I look at celebrity gossip sites and place judgment on Nicole Richie's newest nail-polish color (on a totally unrelated note, Nicole has totally replaced Paris Hilton from the top of my favorite female celebrities list). I seek out cool illustration portfolios of undiscovered artists struggling to pay rent in Brooklyn.
In other words, I reminisce about the kind of life I've never had; the kind of life I'll never have; the kind of life I would never want. I look for fluff that's otherwise missing from my overly articulate kind of life where everything is subject to questioning and unless specified otherwise, open to interpretation. I love being in academia, but I surely enjoy those moments of my day, when Paris Hilton's saying "That's hot!" is a good enough reason to believe that it is. Hot.
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Peio on Moments of Solitude. In Bulgarian.
I suspect that the reason why I cherish these moments as much as I do has a lot to do with some of the professional choices I have made. Being in academia, weds you not only to a substantive area of interest but also to a way of being that requires continuous interactions of the argumentative kind. We read each other's work to learn from it but mostly to critique it. We buy each other's arguments, but mostly after modifying them ever so slightly. We appreciate each other's texts, especially when YOUR reasoning helps me make MY point. That, to quote my mom, is exhausting. There's only so much talking one can do in a day. There's only so many arguments one can unpack. There's a limited number of questions one can answer. There's only so much self-righteousness one can tolerate.
What do I do to remove myself from all that? I read teenage blogs of silly girls who worry about their thigh-to-butt transition area. I look at celebrity gossip sites and place judgment on Nicole Richie's newest nail-polish color (on a totally unrelated note, Nicole has totally replaced Paris Hilton from the top of my favorite female celebrities list). I seek out cool illustration portfolios of undiscovered artists struggling to pay rent in Brooklyn.
In other words, I reminisce about the kind of life I've never had; the kind of life I'll never have; the kind of life I would never want. I look for fluff that's otherwise missing from my overly articulate kind of life where everything is subject to questioning and unless specified otherwise, open to interpretation. I love being in academia, but I surely enjoy those moments of my day, when Paris Hilton's saying "That's hot!" is a good enough reason to believe that it is. Hot.
***
Peio on Moments of Solitude. In Bulgarian.
14 Comments:
thigh-to-butt transition area? hahaha!
seriously! like we're done worrying about our single parts and now we've moved on to the transition areas!
The thigh-to-butt transition area is best toned by doing squats, preferably in the reverse cowgirl position. ;) Leading experts agree that a girl doing that to you is a magnificent sight to behold. The less adventurously inclined can try skiing, which, incidentally, also enhances the solitude experience.
ok, concerned, reverse cowgirl position?! you need to elaborate on that one. for some reason i'm having a hard time picturing it.
Why, yes, Ms McPrude, your question is opportune, as I would never expect you to be versed in such, shall we say, nefarious matters. Certainly, though, you would not expect me to play Mr. Darcy and defile the rosy leaves of this dainty diary with anatomical details.
On the other hand, why am I having a hard time believing you that you do not recognize the reverse cowgirl? Are you just trying to instigate me to speak the unspeakable? I will leave you in the caring hands of Google on this one ;)
Oh, no need for visuals. A good soul already explained 'the reverse cowgirl'.
And, by the way, I wouldn't even dare to pretend that this diary is dainty. It's anything but. ;P
I do not mean anything "nefarious" but I want to share it:
While reading concerned tips it happaned that I was listening to PJ Harvey's Teclo
Suits perfectly! (Mind the refrain) :P
P.S. Petya, you've said it is not a dainty place! I wouldn't dare! :D
Sorry, it was me in the previous post! :)
hahahaha, references to pj harvey lyrics are welcome anytime! :D
sometimes too much moments of solitude can be dangerous. the most dangerous experience of this kind that i've experienced is when i'm losing myself in a party or in a night club. we go in 10-15-20 friends and still i bury myself in the music and alcohol, and i feel alone, lost but with a best before. when the best before period is past, usually that is when the music's over, i will find myself again, or at least the road to home. in these moments of solitude, i like to watch people, to talk pretenciously about life and small things like the corners of the mouth of a particular girl or the blending of two exact voices in a crowded room. of course i don't pass by nostalgia, but i stop for a chat and can be very obnoxious picturing past moments with very precise (read "annoying") details.
since i'm a lyrics freak, i have a favourite line of text from back when i was in 6th grade that matches these moments. it's from a "bush" song (the band, not mr. W). let's quote: "i'm with everyone and yet not".
i prefer these moments of solitude when i can disappear among many people, rarely i have the moments of solitude when i'm am physically alone.
Isn't that strange...how we feel most alone when we are surrounded by many people. I've never felt as lonely as I did when I lived in NYC. But loneliness was not really the topic here.
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