Walking No-No's
I almost missed my first kiss because I was too busy listening to the guy explaining how great a kisser he was. We were at summer camp and I was 12. Ever the researcher, I did let him stick his tongue in my mouth, though. Then gagged and punched him in the face. I brushed my teeth for 45 minutes and thought that everyone could tell that I had been kissed. I clearly remember thinking, I should have known he would kiss me. He HAD TALKED TOO MUCH!
Another guy, back in high-school, walked me home once. No kisses were involved but when he answered "OK" to my "Goodbye", I was absolutely definitely 100 percent sure that there would be no kisses in our common future either.
Later, in college, a guy once told me that he was the best fuck I would ever have. Needless to say, I have no way of knowing whether he's right, because I was so appalled by his statement that never got a chance to check things out myself if you know what I mean.
***
See...some people take a while to figure out. They seem normal at first but that's simply because they are capable of concealing their freakiness. The ones that I just mentioned are different. They are the walking No-No's. They are so obviously bad for you that you don't even bother to make the mistake and actually be with them. They never even became 'a someone to forget' because you are too much in hurry to get away from them.
Please indulge me and tell me about yours. :D
Another guy, back in high-school, walked me home once. No kisses were involved but when he answered "OK" to my "Goodbye", I was absolutely definitely 100 percent sure that there would be no kisses in our common future either.
Later, in college, a guy once told me that he was the best fuck I would ever have. Needless to say, I have no way of knowing whether he's right, because I was so appalled by his statement that never got a chance to check things out myself if you know what I mean.
***
See...some people take a while to figure out. They seem normal at first but that's simply because they are capable of concealing their freakiness. The ones that I just mentioned are different. They are the walking No-No's. They are so obviously bad for you that you don't even bother to make the mistake and actually be with them. They never even became 'a someone to forget' because you are too much in hurry to get away from them.
Please indulge me and tell me about yours. :D
posted by petya at 9/26/2006 05:46:00 PM
12 Comments:
Arrgh. They would be the chaps who inspired this post, although I wasn't smart enough to walk away...
There was a formal dinner and dance during graduation week my senior year of college. It was two days before Senior Ball, and I still didn't have a date, although I'd bought two tickets ages in advance in the hopes of drumming up enough courage to ask this guy who I was madly in love with. All of my friends had dates already, and I still hadn't gotten up the guts to do it.
At the time, I worked at a huge sporting goods chain, one of those ones with the big climbing walls in the middle of the store. I was on a break and was over at the wall chatting with my friend who worked there as well. There was a huge cluster of customers waiting for their turn to climb. My friend turned to them and said, pointing at me, "This is my friend Jenn. She needs a date to a dance on Tuesday night. Any takers?"
Some guy in a cowboy hat, one of the regulars, piped up, "I'll go!" I thought he was joking, so I gave him my number. He wasn't joking. He called me later that night. Turns out he was in the Coast Guard, so he even had a formal uniform and didn't need to rent a tux. We went to the dance, it was ok I guess, and I got a quick peck goodnight after driving him home.
We went out one other time after that, and NEVER AGAIN. I tried to take him to a baseball game, but he did nothing but complain the whole time. (He claims that rodeo is the only real sport, and the "damn tree huggers" ruin his fun. Not the right thing to say to a tree hugging baseball fanatic.) It was a rainout, anyway, so we went back to his apartment to watch a movie. He was a little younger than me, but I found out that evening that he had a KID back home in California. Riiiight. When he walked me out to my car, he shoved his tongue down my throat, and I accidentally laughed at him.
After that disastrous date, he kept calling me, and calling me, but I didn't return his messages or was always mysteriously "too busy" to go out with him. I even hung up on him when he was begging me to see him before he went on leave for three weeks, claiming a bad cell phone battery. I heard from him one more time when he got back from leave, but he took the hint when I didn't return his message.
This makes me sound like a cold, heartless bitch upon rereading it, but he was really creepy, I swear.
There was a formal dinner and dance during graduation week my senior year of college. It was two days before Senior Ball, and I still didn't have a date, although I'd bought two tickets ages in advance in the hopes of drumming up enough courage to ask this guy who I was madly in love with. All of my friends had dates already, and I still hadn't gotten up the guts to do it.
At the time, I worked at a huge sporting goods chain, one of those ones with the big climbing walls in the middle of the store. I was on a break and was over at the wall chatting with my friend who worked there as well. There was a huge cluster of customers waiting for their turn to climb. My friend turned to them and said, pointing at me, "This is my friend Jenn. She needs a date to a dance on Tuesday night. Any takers?"
Some guy in a cowboy hat, one of the regulars, piped up, "I'll go!" I thought he was joking, so I gave him my number. He wasn't joking. He called me later that night. Turns out he was in the Coast Guard, so he even had a formal uniform and didn't need to rent a tux. We went to the dance, it was ok I guess, and I got a quick peck goodnight after driving him home.
We went out one other time after that, and NEVER AGAIN. I tried to take him to a baseball game, but he did nothing but complain the whole time. (He claims that rodeo is the only real sport, and the "damn tree huggers" ruin his fun. Not the right thing to say to a tree hugging baseball fanatic.) It was a rainout, anyway, so we went back to his apartment to watch a movie. He was a little younger than me, but I found out that evening that he had a KID back home in California. Riiiight. When he walked me out to my car, he shoved his tongue down my throat, and I accidentally laughed at him.
After that disastrous date, he kept calling me, and calling me, but I didn't return his messages or was always mysteriously "too busy" to go out with him. I even hung up on him when he was begging me to see him before he went on leave for three weeks, claiming a bad cell phone battery. I heard from him one more time when he got back from leave, but he took the hint when I didn't return his message.
This makes me sound like a cold, heartless bitch upon rereading it, but he was really creepy, I swear.
Ok, seriously, why does my browser keep double-posting my responses? This is annoying.
Anonymous:
1. I know who you are. I love the blog.
2. Have all the things in the list actually happened to you? Or are some of them things that happened to 'a friend'? ;)
Jenn:
1. Loved the story.
2. Bitches are awesome. More bitches.
I kinda expected you to figure me out - shhh! It's a secret ;-)
And sadly, all those things *have* happened to me. Sheesh! I swear, I'm just going to stop dating.
oh no!
i must admit, thought, that the number of inappropriate dates rapidly diminishes with age. what a relief!
and, btw, your secret is safe with me :)
Walking No-No's? Is this a topic the males are also expected to discuss? Once I was eating a meal by myself at a restaurant in a little desert community just east of San Diego, when a "lady" came in and sat nearby, trying to get a conversation going. Turns out she was basically a drunk hooker who'd been told she was getting too old to work the bars and such. I don't know if she was looking to turn a trick or just wanting sympathy - it was uncomfortable knowing I was talking with someone who could end up homeless, yet there didn't seem much I could do to help her. She apparently wanted encouragement that she could still be a hooker, but getting out of that occupation was likely her only long-term hope. Kindness would be taken the wrong way, so I finished eating and left while the woman was giving her waitress a difficult time.
If I thought about it awhile, maybe I'd have a better "walking no-no" example. You're probably thinking mostly in terms of people who you find attractive until they open their mouth, rather than someone you pity from the start. Oh, actually, there was another one in that same restaurant on a different occasion, which you ladies would probably relate to as a no-no. I don't view men as potential dates, so to me it was just overhearing a jerk. The guy seemed to be a long-term military person, and had a look about him that said "I have anger management issues". He started telling his friend, loud enough for everyone in the place, how he'd gotten divorced, but recently had great sex with his cousin in a forest somewhere. I eventually gave up on eating at that restaurant. The bizarre clientele might not have mattered so much if the food had been better.
Regarding Jenn's comments, how is it possible to be a "tree hugging baseball fanatic"? For goodness sakes, those are murdered trees they're swinging when they hit those baseballs.
mac,
thanks for being brave enough to comment on what was never intended to be a women-only entry. when i frist posted, kyle said that he was almost positive that men would not have that much to say about it. which you confirmed with the intro to your story.
it is a pretty funny and awkward situation you were in. what is one supposed to say?! ooh, honey, i would totally fuck you?! heehhehehe
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