Two stories about forks
Story #1:
When I was freshman in college, I met a girl named Zoe. Zoe was from New York City: one of very few Northerners who came to school in the South. I always liked Zoe because she was one of very few people that I could actually understand at the time. Just for reference for those of you who are not familiar with American regional dialects and such, a Southern accent is very different from the type of American English people in the Northern and Western states speak. Lots of people describe it as a twang.
One day, it must have been a conversation over lunch or something, Zoe asked me if we had forks in Bulgaria.
Me: ???
Shocked but yet responsive, I answered: Well, no, Zoe. We actually don't.
Zoe: ???
Me: No, we don't have forks in Bulgaria. We have sporks. A combo utensil, you see. It's cheaper to make.
Zoe: So you saw a fork for the first time when you came to States?
Me: No, not really, I answered. We watch a lot of American movies in Bulgaria. So I've SEEN a fork. I just never used one.
Story #2:
Fast forward to 2006. I am telling Story #1 to a friend of mine, a fellow graduate student. He doesn't seem to get that the whole thing is actually a joke.
Friend: Wow! I had no idea!
Me: Ummmmmm...?!
Friend: Do you make forks NOW?!
Me: Well...yes. We started recycling Soviet-era tanks and turning them into forks.
Friend: No shit?!
Me: Shit.
***
Many of my Bulgarian readers have probably already assumed that my reason for telling these stories is to prove what most Bulgarians already know: Americans are stupid. That, however, couldn't be any further from my intentions. I am telling these stories for three reasons:
First, to remind you but also remind myself, that there are no reasons to assume that what matters to ourselves, should matter to others.
Second, that one does not have full control over what they learn and how they unlearn it.
And last, but not least, because I think they're funny and everyone needs a light read on a Sunday evening.
Have a great week, y'all! :)
When I was freshman in college, I met a girl named Zoe. Zoe was from New York City: one of very few Northerners who came to school in the South. I always liked Zoe because she was one of very few people that I could actually understand at the time. Just for reference for those of you who are not familiar with American regional dialects and such, a Southern accent is very different from the type of American English people in the Northern and Western states speak. Lots of people describe it as a twang.
One day, it must have been a conversation over lunch or something, Zoe asked me if we had forks in Bulgaria.
Me: ???
Shocked but yet responsive, I answered: Well, no, Zoe. We actually don't.
Zoe: ???
Me: No, we don't have forks in Bulgaria. We have sporks. A combo utensil, you see. It's cheaper to make.
Zoe: So you saw a fork for the first time when you came to States?
Me: No, not really, I answered. We watch a lot of American movies in Bulgaria. So I've SEEN a fork. I just never used one.
Story #2:
Fast forward to 2006. I am telling Story #1 to a friend of mine, a fellow graduate student. He doesn't seem to get that the whole thing is actually a joke.
Friend: Wow! I had no idea!
Me: Ummmmmm...?!
Friend: Do you make forks NOW?!
Me: Well...yes. We started recycling Soviet-era tanks and turning them into forks.
Friend: No shit?!
Me: Shit.
***
Many of my Bulgarian readers have probably already assumed that my reason for telling these stories is to prove what most Bulgarians already know: Americans are stupid. That, however, couldn't be any further from my intentions. I am telling these stories for three reasons:
First, to remind you but also remind myself, that there are no reasons to assume that what matters to ourselves, should matter to others.
Second, that one does not have full control over what they learn and how they unlearn it.
And last, but not least, because I think they're funny and everyone needs a light read on a Sunday evening.
Have a great week, y'all! :)
posted by petya at 1/15/2007 09:51:00 AM
19 Comments:
We may be stupid, but at least we have forks! :P
SHUT UP! I never said or mean to say that Americans were stupid!!! Honestly, I don't understand how people never get tired of saying that about the States.
When I was in the states, I met a Norwegian girl. She told me a story about how Norwegians ride reindeer-driven sleighs when it gets so cold that their autos and roads freeze.
I said 'Wow, really, this is amazing'.
She replied 'No, moron. Our cars in Norway do not freeze in the winter, we are like all other people in winter....'
Obvously some bulgarians are also stupid :))) Even though I still find it normal to believe her story.
And by the way, the French Royal Family (Marie Antoinette) did not have forks in the early 18th century, but Sofia Coppola obvously found this too improper to be shown to the US public :)
As someone who was there for the 2006 fork story, I wanted to recount 2 other parts of the conversation not included here.
First, Petya told PERSON #1 that Bulgarians were able to begin manufacturing their own forks after the Soviets left because the forks could be made out of the raw material from the "iron curtain."
Second, an addendum to the reported conversation:
[Previously mentioned conversants were sitting a table in a bar, smoking.]
PERSON #3: Yeah, did you know they don't have ashtrays in Bulgaria either?
PERSON #1: So where do you put your cigarettes out?
PETYA: We just put them out on the carcasses of dead animals beside the road.
:) nice!
The only fork story I can share is pretty..uhm..stupid? :) I saw a film ("Elephant") and kinda like it. Actually I liked it a lot. What's the use of hiding. Then recommended it to a friend of mine, who kinda aplified the feeling I guess. So the next thing is I see him with new bracelet, like the one a character in the movie wears. Guess what - a fork. A bent fork. :)
I love the story about the forks! :D It is interesting how ignorant people could be sometimes. My roommate used to have a bf from Siera Leone and people were asking him all kind of stuff - do they eat ants and bugs there, etc... And I just turned to them and I told them: dont you know he is a champion in snowboarding there? And most of them were: Oh, wow really! :D:D:D Oh yes, but not really, because there is no fucking snow there ever!
Nicki:
1] I was in Ottawa several years ago. Beautiful city, great architecture, terrific people...The thing that impressed me the most, however, was the fact that they had ice-skating lanes throughout the city: not too much unlike biking lanes in most major cities of the world. Pretty awesome, no? So, I completely sympathize with you: if it's ok to ice-skate to work, why not ride a sleigh?!
2] I saw the movie and thought it was pretty interesting...Not much of a story there...but definitely pleasing on the eye. What other inconsistencies did you notice?
Leigh:
How could I have forgotten this part?! I swear, this is one of my top 5 drunk conversations of all times. It's to hear from you! :D
Z:
That's funny. When I first saw Kill Bill, vol.1, I really wanted to get myself a pair of the yellow Puma shoes that Uma Thurman's character wore...but couldn't find them anywhere. Which was probably a good thing as, I'm sure, they must have cost a fortune.
Ina:
I LOVED the snowboarding story! Hahahahhahaha! Still giggling, just thinking about it. Do you have more stories like that?
in truth, at first i was quick to assume that a majority of a/this people may be categorized as stupid (why fight the habit?), but after reading the three reasons i guess i'm in someone's category as well, whatever the theme ;)
so i'll share a simple-heartedly funny footage - not targeted at any country's ignorant half of human resource, but at the always enlightening encounters with their representatives (bulgaria not being an exception by any means; AND i'm with petya on the light read advice):
http://www.shoutfile.com/v/gSfSsCpR
[no group is spared the ignorance of those who extend the sins of individuals to the innocents who happen to share the same race, religion, gender, language, or ethnicity]
haaha, awesome! thanks for the link! :)))
Bulgarians who think the world should celebrate around their oh-so-famous-second-in-the-world-after-the-jews-intelligence make me want to spit on them. If you think not knowing how people live in Bulgaria makes a foreigner stupid, think how much you know about the island of Tonga.
I agree with you, Yana. I think that oftentimes we make the mistake of drawing conclusions based on the statements of people who do not even pretend to know...That, I think, is unfair. Also, in my experience Americans are much more likely to admit they don't know as opposed to people from any other country who actually feel more comfortable pretending they know. Yuck.
Like most Americans who received a well-rounded state-funded education, I knew immediately you were joking with these people, without reading to the end. Most of us learned long ago that wealthy Eastern Europeans (those who use utensils at the table) eat with a fork in the right hand, leaving the left hand free for either vodka or the spork. Now the spork is an ingenious invention which allows for quick preparation of the next bite while fork is in mouth, yet it also has a sharp end for cutting meat and dispatching animals or people who get too close (not so much to protect the current meal as to secure the next one). A two-handed fast eating technique is often necessary because one must get back to gymnastics training, iron curtain smelting, or making important business decisions, like whether a tourist, who didn't even buy any hookers, has a relative with enough financial resources to pay a ransom for him. Time is money.
Well, all this writin' tires my feeble mind, so I best git some rest, for tomorrow's a full glorious day of toothless cousin-lovin', rifle totin', moonshine swillin', cotton pickin', and "Stars & Bars" wavin' - it's great to be a good ol' boy way down south heah in Dixie. Feel free to remind me of any Southern stereotypes I left out. Oh, like for instance, it's been said the men here use neither fork nor spoon, since a knife is sufficient for most foods. Just dip it in the mashed taters first, and this makes it much easier to load the peas on there.
Of course, everything I've talked about here regarding the South and Eastern Europe was in jest, much like your comments to Zoe. (Well, it's all jest except the part about our fondness for rifles and knives...in case anyone didn't like the humor and plans to come after me.) We all probably have some ill-informed views (fears) about places we haven't been, or didn't understand very well while there. She, being from the North, may honestly have been transferring her views of the unknown South onto unknown Bulgaria. So, it was okay you ridiculed her a little in a good-natured way, even if she wasn't smart enough to get it at that moment.
By the way, on a different subject (or maybe it really is the same subject, given there must be some culture clash involved), congratulations on getting married. I pretty much knew it was coming, but thought there would be an engagement announcement first, so I still had a small chance to win you over. But next thing I hear, you've already sporked down the wedding cake. haha! Much happiness to both of you.
I just want to share a conversation I had on Friday. Via MSN I informed my Bulgarian friend Milen that I am leaving the state for the three-day weekend around M. Luther King's Bday. We have Monday off, I said.
Every Monday off? he asked.
No, just this one,I said. It's M. L. King's Day.
Do white people celebrate that?
I didn't let him know that his questions are sooo ridiculous, as laughter-inducing as "Do you have Santa Claus in Bulgaria?" Maybe I should have. :)
Ha Ha! I totally remember this conversation from freshman year. If memory serves me correctly, this conversation actually began with Zoe asking you if you had Shakespeare in Bulgaria. To which you replied along the lines of "Yes we have Shakespeare, of course, but we don't have forks."
Oh, and congratulations on your recent nuptials. Baby sister Kate is getting married in May...
Wait, wait. I'm so confused. Do you have forks or don't you?
mac and yana:
i think you're both absolutely right: stereotypes and stupidity have the amazing ability to cross all kinds of geographic and social borders.
gaines:
i had NO IDEA you knew about this website! thanks so much for stopping by! and for reminding me of the Shakespear comment as well.
but, most importantly: CONGRAATULATIONS to baby-kate! who, apparently, is not a baby anymore ;) we need to catch up! send everyone my love!!!
adam:
now...YOURS is a very good question ;)
As the 'roommate who had a bf from Sierra Leone' I must admit I got tricked into believing all sorts of stuff about this wonderful land :)) He told me that during the summer people walk completely naked on the streets of Freetown, and I answered "shit, it must be really difficult for men to prevent getting errections all the time".
Him: Some people sell human body parts on the (black) market to be used in voodoo rituals.
Me: "they like...KILLED the people in order to chop them into little pieces, or they just chopped people who were already dead?"
Him: You know, I cannot sing because in Sierra Leone the elders wouldn't let us sing when we were children.
Me: Why not?
Him: Singing attracts the bad spirits. Singing is evil.
Me: Oh really ??? So you didn't even whistle or hum?
Him: No, never!
Me: Ohhhhhh :(
christina!!!!!
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