Friday, February 16, 2007

Altoids and Oral sex

My friend Julie posted this as a comment. I am only copying it here because I think it's awesome and don't want people to miss it.

Subject: Altoids in a whole new light

This is an absolutely true story-forward it around to friends who might get a kick out of it.

Had the most interesting conversation with the top sales weasel at our company today. She came into my office and noticed I had a box of Altoids on my desk.

(Have you had them? They are these obnoxiously strong peppermints made in England.) As soon as she saw them, she burst into laughter. Turns out she had recently had an affair with a guy who called her and left her an incredibly steamy voice mail message after an encounter. He went on and on about what a blow job goddess she was, how amazing she was, how he'd never be the same, etc. She was kind of puzzled, thinking: what did I do to this guy that was so different from my regular technique?

She finally figured it out: she's a smoker, and before getting intimate with him, she had gone to the bathroom to "freshen up." Not having a toothbrush, she crunched on about four Altoids and then got busy. Apparently things went amazingly.

So she passed this little tidbit on to another female sales weasel, who immediately tried it out on *her* fiance. Apparently this guy has never, ever been into oral sex, but liked the mint sensation so much that he asked her to stop and chew another Altoid mid-blow job. He is now a fellatio gourmand.

This news has been going around our office. Having a box of Altoids on your desk is now like being part of the Secret Blowjob Goddess Society. It's the equivalent of having the hottest car or coolest computer. News spread like crazy among the females, who all went out at lunch to Walgreens to buy a box of Altoids (about $2 for 100 or so), and their partners across the city tonight are getting one hell of a corporate blow job. As far as company-wide morale boosting events, it doesn't get much better.

Some of the men found out, too -- they went out after work to buy them for their wives. They strategized on how to get their wives to eat them.

And people wonder why I work in technology.

(For what it's worth -- it really does work! It leaves a lasting tingle that is apparently quite exquisite.)


Now, could any one of you give me a reason why we shouldn't all try this at home?!

26 Comments:

Blogger shonk said...

Incidentally, I've also heard that Altoids add to the sensation of cunnilingus.

2/15/2007 4:32 PM  
Blogger Yana said...

Having read this, all I can do is try. Maybe I will report my findings here.

2/15/2007 4:57 PM  
Anonymous Dimiter said...

When I was a child we used to describe the effect created by mint as "течение" in the mouth. Translating "течение" is hard but it is something that you feel standing between two open doors/windows in a windy day - it is both refreshing and risky... How do you say it in English?

Me and my girl had tried several times a minted blow-job using "Мента" and it is really blowing... :))) I think it's quite an old recipe.

2/15/2007 5:34 PM  
Anonymous concerned said...

techenie = draft.

by the way, any strong mints will work. doesn't have to be Altoids.

2/15/2007 6:14 PM  
Anonymous zazie said...

аха и аз съм чувала:) пишеше го преди доста време в максим, мисля

2/15/2007 6:19 PM  
Blogger Julie said...

I'm . . . I'm blushing. I wonder what message I'm sending by having 1 tin of cinnamon and 1 tin of ginger Altoids on my desk. I think we will NOT be trying the cinnamon.

2/15/2007 7:34 PM  
Blogger kgrady said...

hahahaha...i didn't think anyone would *ahem* bite on this topic, but once the doors were opened the testimony has come pouring through. how did i not know about this before?! nevermind, don't answer that.

2/15/2007 7:57 PM  
Blogger petya said...

i was just wondering how come i'd never heard of this thing before.

technically speaking, it is the intimate partners of well-mannered female smokers who would be most likely to know about this, right?

2/15/2007 11:22 PM  
Anonymous concerned said...

technically speaking, this is a well-crafted PR viral marketing campaign on behalf of Altoids, dating back to 1997. you don't have to be a smoker to experiment ;)

2/15/2007 11:48 PM  
Blogger Nikolay said...

Holy Cow! I didn't know about this. I gotta find me some of them mints :)

2/16/2007 10:27 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

well-mannered, indeed! :)

sonyphone

2/16/2007 11:32 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

actually, crunching up a few altoids and giving head to a guy is alright, but things are a bit different with girls. the sugar can cause a yeast infection down there, so if anyone wants to give a minty uh, blowjob, to a girl, they should use sugar-free mints (all sugar substitutes are okay).

2/19/2007 11:24 AM  
Blogger petya said...

whaaaaat?! sugar causes yeast infection? this is a joke, right?

2/19/2007 12:15 PM  
Blogger Yana said...

Yeast feed on the sugar but that doesn't mean that sugar causes yeast infections. It means that if you are prone or having an infection right now, you should avoid sugar and starch... I know, it sucks.

2/20/2007 3:29 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

if sugar gets inside the vagina, there is a risk of a yeast infection, yes.

i didn't say it will happen for sure, but it's good to be on the safe side. especially when there's heaps of sugar-free mints out there.

2/20/2007 11:54 AM  
Blogger Yana said...

But she is not putting a mint in her vagina. It's about putting the mint in your mouth and then giving head...

2/21/2007 1:29 AM  
Blogger petya said...

yana, thanks for the clarification (both about yeast infections and the altoid enterprise). ;)

2/21/2007 11:23 AM  
Blogger Yana said...

Sorry if it got too graphic! :)

2/21/2007 5:33 PM  
Blogger petya said...

not at all! :D

2/21/2007 5:51 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

My wife heard about this and on a long romantic weekend popped in a peppermint and gave me an unreal blow job while she sucked the peppermint. The tingling feeling was unique and my wife said she liked the taste of peppermint flavored semen.

3/14/2007 11:07 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Has anyone ever heard of a "Tornado"? Something about giving a blow job with the altoids and then taking a hot drink and continuing the blow job. Ever heard of it......can you clarify?

4/17/2007 2:53 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

This is sure funny that I ran across this page. I tried this to my now husband for the first time over 10 years ago, and he loved it. I have no idea what made me consider putting a altoid in my mouth when I was about to give him pleasure, but it opened a whole new thing for us. Glad to know there are others out there who do the same..... Reynatejana

9/10/2007 2:50 AM  
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