Inspired!

Today I attended an event called Marketing Innovation Forum, here in Sofia. The conference was sponsored by Capital Weekly (my favorite Bulgarian publication) and featured 3 BIG-TIME Marketing Rock-stars: Larry Hochman, Sergio Zyman and Guy Kawasaki.

To me, the forum was an amazing opportunity to take a break from my daily focus on tasks and project plans and to-do lists and minutiae and really think about the larger scheme of things. I didn't think that the speakers would teach me how to transform the company I work for or make a million dollars or suddenly become the most sought-after professional there is out there. That is obviously a task that could in no way be tackled at such a large, cross-industry event. What I hoped for was a reminder that what sometimes seems like yet another day at the office is connected to bigger things both within and above my control. I was hoping I would be able to leave the event with just one thing that I could take back to my boss tomorrow and tell her: HERE'S WHAT WE MUST DO! Most importantly, however, I was hoping to be inspired...to think more, and do more, and ultimately be more, both for myself and for my company.

That's EXACTLY what I got at the event. The speakers were insightful and generous in sharing their experiences. They were smart, and eloquent, and relatable and FUNNY! They were an inspiration! And, believe me, I am DEFINITELY going to my boss tomorrow and telling her HERE'S WHAT WE MUST DO!!! [Lucky me, I work for the kind of company where it's perfectly OK to share your (not-always-so-brilliant) brilliant ideas with highest of management].

The reason why I am writing about this here [even though I know that many of my readers are not at all interested in marketing or management or whatever it is that I am involved in professionally] is that I just wanted to share with you how damn good it felt to be in the presence of great minds. Those people have not only done much with their lives, but are also SO good at conceptualizing their experiences and making them available to others in such accessible ways. Maybe it's some residue from my now-past life in academia, but I just get a huge kick out of people who not only know much but love to share their knowledge with others. Kudos to Capital and Intellecta (Christina Vlahova rocks my socks!) for putting together such an awesome event and bringing in such inspirational speakers!

To those of you who did not attend...who are the people that you read and trust? Who are the people that inspire you professionally? Who would you like to have as your personal career mentor? Who would you happily entrust with the management of your professional development? And...well...WHY?

Champions League Final Redux

Affiliation Number 1: Milan

Last week, when we were trying to figure which team to root for: Liverpool or Milan, we decided we would be supporting Milan for no other reason than the fact that Kyle simply HATES that Peter Crouch guy. And, honestly, how could one blame him for that?!

Affiliation Number 2: Liverpool

For some god-unknown reason, Peio is a Liverpool supporter. Don't really remember why. Reasons had something to do with his primary team of choice losing against Milan in a previous round of the tournament and him still holding a grudge. Men...



Affiliation Number 3: Jameson

We decide that the best place to watch the final of the European Soccer Champions League would be JJ Murphy's: the first Irish Pub to open in Bulgaria after the fall of communism. The place is extremely popular, especially on soccer days when big fans of all nationalities gather in front of the big screens to partake in all kinds of sportsmanlike festivities. Perfect place for watching the finals, especially given the fact they serve the BEST Jameson I've ever had and that says A LOT.

So we show up, big smiles and affiliations and all...only to find out that we are not the only people who had the great idea to watch the game there. The ENTIRE MEMBERSHIP OF THE LIVERPOOL FANCLUB IN SOFIA had had that very same thought as well.







We end up spending the rest of the evening pretending we are Liverpool fans. Liverpool, Liverpool, Liverpooooooooool!

For all of those who've always wondered, let me break it to you: the only difference between regular game-watchers and the fanclub crowd is that regular people drink and curse sometimes. Fanclub dudes drink like fish and curse like motherfuckers. The amusing part about this particular game was that all the Bulgarian kids were cursing in English. VERY FUNNNY because all they could say was: WANKER and FUCKING FUCK! Which, of course, are excellent things to know but get a bit old after being used over and over and over again for a total of about two hours.

At the end of it all:



Kyle and I had to pretend that we were saddened by Liverpool's loss. Peio was pretty disappointed by the final score, but the beer consumed in the meantime managed to help put things in perspective...

You win some, you lose some, you drink some...you know.

Congratulations, Dr. J!

Recently, I've been thinking about giving a shout-out to my friend, Leigh, who's been one of the readers of my blog who've actually participated in shaping its direction. To her belong such great thoughts as:

- I'm the "smart" one in my family--which really is not meant to reference my intelligence, but only my many, many years in school. I'm also the "rebellious" one--which really means the gay one.

- Why is it that i can't get anyone to comment on my bog? Do i need to get married?

- Whatever it is that you're doing at the moment is not the last thing you will ever have to contribute to the world...Well... except for that one thing that IS the last thing you ever do.

- I think it's immensely difficult to figure yourself out after a break up- I mean, REALLY figure out who you are now without that other person.

- I prefer Spaghettio's and Meatballs, if you're wondering.

Now, in addition to saying THANK YOU so much for reading, writing and being a part of this little place...I would also like to ask all of you to join me in saying "CONGRATULATIONS ON BECOMING A DOCTOR!!!"

Leigh, your students will have SO MUCH to learn from you: about philosophy, about music, about laughter, but most of all about being a REALLY GOOD HUMAN BEING!!!

CONGRATS, Leigh!!! Hugs and kisses from all of us!!!

Happy Alphabet Day!

Seriously! Today in Bulgaria we celebrate Cyril and Methodius, the brothers who invented the Cyrillic alphabet. They are Bulgarian, you know!



Kyle and I are celebrating tonight...by having alphabet soup for dinner!!! Prof. Grady's idea, of course!

Happy Alphabet Day, from the K-G's!

Toe cleavage

Because I know you've ALWAYS wondered:



Toe cleavage is the partial exposure of a woman's toes in shoes that are cut low enough at the vamp.

via Inherently Funny

You Asked: Part 5

What explains the Bulgarian enthusiasm for '80s hair metal bands?
Question by sonyphone

First off, thanks a million for asking this question. It really is an excellent observation and it's something I've pondered numerous times. Kyle and I actually just talked about it too but then he asked Babe, why do you think you are not chalga? and the conversation took a different turn. So, I've never been able to come up with anything even remotely resembling a decent answer. But I will try again anyway.

My initial response was to blame Bulgarians’ love for metal on the nostalgia that a certain generation of people was experiencing towards their youth. Don’t mean to go all Freudian on you, but it really made sense. You're in high-school, coming of age, you drink obscene amounts of beer, have your first sexual encounter, happen to be listening to metal at the time, end up listening to metal for the rest of your life as you associate it with a series of pleasantries that have since then remained unsurpassed. The theory, however, has several problems. Most importantly, it does not explain the cross-generational characteristics of Bulgaria's love for hair metal. Also, while the theory does suggest a plausible process of how metal would remain popular, it does not explain WHY METAL to begin with.

The more I think about, the more I believe the reason why so many Bulgarians are into metal is because the parallels between some of metal’s main traits to the innermost workings of the Bulgarian soul are uncanny. Here are three, just to name a few:

1. Metal is pessimistic.
And so are Bulgarians. Our humor is dark and it's usually sarcastic. We are bottle-half-empty kind of crowd.

2. Metal is enthralled with history.
Just like we are. It makes us PROUD. In fact, the vast majority of the reasons why we are proud to be Bulgarian are connected to events that happened centuries ago. Every non-Bulgarian who’s talked to a Bulgarian at some point in their life have heard that Orpheus, the brothers who invented the Cyrillic alphabet and, well, God himself, are all Bulgarian.

3. Metal is all about verbal aggression. Otherwise, it’s mostly harmless.
Which is something that I have noticed in Bulgarians too. We are all loud and dramatic and we have no qualms about having private arguments in public and we seriously don’t mind sticking our nose it other people’s business. But it all ends pretty much right at that. We talk a lot and we slam doors but we don’t cause much harm. We bark but do not bite.

And to make this answer even more complete, I was actually hoping my readers would help with hashing out the parallels between the spirit of metal and the spirit of Bulgaria. Who cares if it is right or wrong if it’s fun to do, right?

You Asked: Part 4

What is your favorite sex position?
Question by George T.

There's a guy at work who wears a t-shirt saying: Show me your tits and I'll show you mine. That pretty much sums up my attitude about sex:

- it's not to be taken too seriously
- you've got to be willing to make a fool of yourself
- and you've got to be willing to try pretty much anything at least once

I know this doesn't really answer the question, but that's about as far as I am willing to go on this one. My boss reads my blog. ;)

...

I'm not a businessman. I'm a business, man!
JayZ

You Asked: Part 3

Can democracy survive complexity?
Question by Kalina (and the Edge)

No. It can’t.

Contemporary Western democracy has turned into a reductionist paradigm. It shrinks issues to either-or propositions. You are either a republican or a democrat. You are either a freedom loving patriot or you support terrorism. You care about the environment or your proudly refuse to recycle because you know better. Opposition voices hardly ever get heard. People in the minority (be it ethnic, religious, subcultural or whatever) aim at building up enough strength and resources so that THEY can become a majority. The “majority rule” idea, which has come to be synonymous with democracy, has been taken to such an extreme that it has taken policy-making out of politics and turned democracy in a mere power-struggle. Deliberation is a farce.

It's not that I think that there is anything inherently wrong with democracy. I just don’t think that contemporary democracy, i.e. what we’ve come to refer to as “democracy”, can address the complex issues that are on the agenda today. It can create camps of friends and foes. It can outline boundaries between people. It can make those who are already privileged even more powerful. It does not, however, represent the views of the people as it only seems to serve the interests of those in power.

I believe we are still at a point where politicians and general assholes in powerful positions feel the need to at least pretend they are working to resolve complex social, economic or political problems. They know what they are supposed to sound like they are operating democratically. Their acts, however, show otherwise. Those of you who are contemplating casting a vote for Bulgarian representatives to the European Parliament, know what I am talking about. You stare at the list of candidates and simply can't make a decision because all of the people who are running for office are kooks. In order to address the complex contemporary issues of today, we will either need to ask our politicians to "do democracy" differently (good luck with that), OR, more likely say fuck-it to democracy and start looking for alternative channels of dealing with social, economic and other problems.

What would these channels be? Well, just think about the people who actually get stuff done: non-governmental organizations, citizens groups, social movements, private business, Hollywood..

You Asked: Part 2

The other day, George T. asked: what's your favorite word in English?

My favorite word in English is PROCRASTINATION. It means "to defer action".

Which not only answers George's question, but also explains why I am running behind schedule on the Just Ask project.

We were travelling, you see...But we are back and I am ready to tackle the rest of your questions.

Hugs to you all!

You Asked: Part 1

Why do relationship break-ups never "take" on the first go-round? I've always heard that it takes at least 3 tries for a break-up to "stick." Why is that? And why do we still all maintain the dream of a "clean break"?
Question by Leigh

I will begin by saying that this question is a tough one to answer for a number of reasons. Mostly, I worry that inevitably my answers will implicate other people and we all know what kinds of messes THAT could create. So I will probably be a little more vague than usual but also hope you'll understand.

To jump right into it, I think that relationship break-ups never take on the first go-round for one major reason: we are all more or less convinced that breaking up is a BAD thing. It's bad if you break up with someone. It's bad if someone breaks up with you. We believe break-ups are tough. We think that you break up with someone when something BAD happened. And, honestly, what else could one think?! Listened to any Guns 'N Roses lately?!

So, given that, people do all they can NOT to break up. Sometimes that involves keeping a relationship going when it's probably not worth the effort to begin with. They don't want to break up with their partner because they are afraid they will be hurt. They don't want to break up with their partner because they don't want to be forever remembered as "the fucking a-hole that ruined somebody's life". OR, they try to keep an uncommitted partner into the relationship, because they don't want to go through a break-up. They believe it's better to try and work things out than each go a separate way. They prefer to be miserable in a relationship than be sad outside of one. And since we all know that staying in a bad relationship is God's way of punishing us all for inventing the leggings-under-skirt outfit, we end up doing just that: stay in them longer than we should, the same way leggings stuck around like a bad boyfriend: MUCH MUCH longer than they should have.

My personal opinion on break-ups is that people should become less of wusses about them. And the reason I feel like I have the authority to say that is because among my friends, I am definitely the one who's been the biggest wuss about breaking up in the past. I know it's easier to say that in retrospective, but if only had I been a little less concerned about appearing bad or making others feel bad, I would have avoided a lot more damage than I created. I stayed in relationships only to go trough shame, and self-hatred, and cause pain to people who did not deserve it. And it's only now, long after it all happened, that I realize that all I had needed to do the entire time was break up. It would have been that much more simple.

Now, let me make this clear, I am NOT advocating rushing in and out of relationships. Nor do I think that one should take break-ups lightly. To the contrary. But I do believe that things happen for a variety of reasons that are not always obvious to us. We get together and split apart under all kinds of strange circumstances and we should try and remember that and be easy on ourselves when facing a personal crisis. Breaking up is not always a bad thing just as being in a relationship is not always good.

As far as clean break-ups go: I think that people would have much higher chances at maintaining "clean break-ups" if they did not see their partners' behavior as a chain of either-or decisions. Things are not always reducible to "You either love me or you don't love me" types of situations. It makes perfect sense to me that somebody who cares deeply about me would do something that would hurt me. Yet, being able to forgive is a gift that not all of us have.

Now, on such bright note, I finish and wonder what y'all's opinions are. Why is breaking-up so hard to do? Other than because Tom Jones says so, of course.

You asked...

Here's a list of the questions I will be answering in the next week or so. I decided to expand the list and answer more than the originally planned five as all the questions I got are fantastic:

1. Why do relationship break-ups never "take" on the first go-round? by Leigh
2. Can democracy survive complexity? by Kalina (and the Edge)
3. What is your favorite sex position? by George T.
4. What explains the Bulgarian enthusiasm for '80s hair metal bands? by sonyphone
5. Can you go back through your archives and count the things that you promised to tell us/write about, but never did? by concerned
6. Do you miss this place, even a tiny bit? by Jenn
7. How do you feel about the statement (as used and meant by many I know) - "The wedding day is the most important day of a girl's life"? by ve ly

And so it begins.

Just ask

I was thinking...how about you ask me a question and I write an entry-long answer to it? I will take the first five questions I receive from readers and write a post a day in the next five days.

I would prefer that the questions are not personal (don't want to talk about my favorite sex positions and the like)...but other than that I am open to any topics, especially those on the ridiculous side (are cats better pets than dogs? how does one pick a wedding dress?).

What makes me think I am qualified to answer these questions? Sheeesh! Expertise is overrated!

Wedding stuff

Yesterday we bought Kyle's suit for the wedding. When he walked out of the dressing room, all I could say was "Would you marry me?!"



Today we bought my wedding dress. I got my measurements taken for the alterations and asked the lady what would happen if I put on weight. She said "No worries, you just loosen up the back a little bit".

To celebrate we stuffed ourselves with pizza for lunch and spent the rest of the day looking for a new apartment.

Getting married months before the actual wedding is one of our best ideas so far. When we srart writing our "How to Marry a Bulgarian" book, we will be definitely recommending it.

P.S. The picture doesn't really belong but I like to brag about the fact that my husband photographs well, so there you have it.

This one is for the ladies

via jack, via lastlemon

Email crap

Me: Watcha doin'?
Kyle: Email crap. You?
Me: Email crap. But that's what I DO.

Our way to fall

I don't remember the exact moment I fell in love with my husband. But every day we spend together makes me feel like this:



Minus the brainless nationalistic bit, of course.

How do your loved ones make YOU feel?