Smiling Bulgarians
Prof. Grady and I went grocery shopping yesterday to a biggish store called FANTASTICO. Pretty fantastic, I know.
We were sort of arguing over what kind of pasta would go with the sauce we had in mind when I was distracted by a middle-aged couple walking by. Were they doing anything strange? you might wonder. Well, they were speaking American English. Which, in our neck of the woods counts as mighty strange behavior.
So I did what any self-respecting Southerner would do. I stuck my nose right into their business (the herbs and spices section of FANTASTICO) and asked them, Are you guys AMERICAN!? Which prompted a lengthy conversation about produce markets and rude driving in Bulgaria, among other things. They were sweet and honest and we really liked talking to them... except for I kind of hated one thing the guy said and it's sort of been bothering me for the last 24 hours or so...
He said that when they first got here he really hated Bulgaria and especially hated Bulgarians. He thought they were really unfriendly people and felt like it took 6 months to force a smile out of somebody.
Which is totally NOT my experience with Bulgarians, although, I realize I am not exactly the one to speak with the utmost authority on the subject. I got really taken aback for some reason but have been trying to hide if from my husband as at the end of the conversation he said Ah! It's so nice to finally find someone who shares some of my frustrations with Bulgaria...
I think he was mostly referring to the rude driving part of the conversation...
Like a good wife, instead of talking to him, I am blogging about it.
We were sort of arguing over what kind of pasta would go with the sauce we had in mind when I was distracted by a middle-aged couple walking by. Were they doing anything strange? you might wonder. Well, they were speaking American English. Which, in our neck of the woods counts as mighty strange behavior.
So I did what any self-respecting Southerner would do. I stuck my nose right into their business (the herbs and spices section of FANTASTICO) and asked them, Are you guys AMERICAN!? Which prompted a lengthy conversation about produce markets and rude driving in Bulgaria, among other things. They were sweet and honest and we really liked talking to them... except for I kind of hated one thing the guy said and it's sort of been bothering me for the last 24 hours or so...
He said that when they first got here he really hated Bulgaria and especially hated Bulgarians. He thought they were really unfriendly people and felt like it took 6 months to force a smile out of somebody.
Which is totally NOT my experience with Bulgarians, although, I realize I am not exactly the one to speak with the utmost authority on the subject. I got really taken aback for some reason but have been trying to hide if from my husband as at the end of the conversation he said Ah! It's so nice to finally find someone who shares some of my frustrations with Bulgaria...
I think he was mostly referring to the rude driving part of the conversation...
Like a good wife, instead of talking to him, I am blogging about it.
posted by petya at 6/01/2008 07:09:00 PM
20 Comments:
First, let me say—not so much for Petya, who already knows this, but for anyone else who might care—that I love Bulgaria, and pretty much every Bulgarian person I've ever met. Adore them. Seriously.
In fact, I feel so much at home here (despite not looking that way to anyone else) that I feel entitled to a special form of ambivalence towards Bulgaria that seems to be a birthright of every one of its citizens. I'll say more about that in a second. But since I'm pretty sure this provocation is my wife's way of subtly coaxing a new blog-post out of me, I'll do it over on my blog. Before I go to sleep tonight. You have my word. :)
Ами прави са американците, до голяма степен е така. Софиянци - нямам наблюдения върху българите - не са особено любезни към непознати. Може би по-правилната дума би била "приветливи". Ще ти свършат работа, но чак пък и да ти се усмихват - това е прекалено изискване. А пък да се поздравят непознати на улицата, както все още се случва в Щатите - това у нас сигурно вече и по селата го няма.
Actually (& unfortunately) I have heard how unfriendly we are quite many times. Both from foreigners who live here or who are just visiting.
I have tried to argue with them but there are always two reasons I don't have what to say :) 1) people are not smiling /if you are American, that`s quite obvious, but probably one should say "not smiling enough"/ and 2) people don`t speak English (especially in shops).The last one I'm experiencing myself in Poland and even though my Polish friends are quite cool, speaking to a shop assistant could be a bad experience.And if the latter is the only "touch" to native people, it`s normal to call them unfriendly.
Funny, I've met a french guy yesterday night and he told me exactly the opposite - "What I like in Bulgarians", he said, "Is that you are so kind and polite".
"Are you sure???" was all I was able to answer him :)
Б*си, сдухах се...
I wonder if the experience of the American couple is a reflection on their communication and attitude.
One thing I've heard over and over is "the French are so rude." So much so, that I just expected it when I was in Paris last year. Yes, they were a bit perplexed by our attempts to speak/butcher their language, but were always helpful and always friendly. I think partially because we did attempt and did not assume everyone should speak, or want to speak English.
Maybe the same translates to communicating with Bulgarians; make an attempt to be friendly and respect that the official language is Bulgarian, not English, and possibly you may be greeted a bit warmer in the future.
I may be way off base, I haven't lived in Bulgaria for a long time, but I know my American husband loves the warmth and friendliness of the “Bulgarian people” (big generalization, I know…).
Eva,
I think everything you said is right on. I have noticed, with some help from Petya, that things that I might be tempted to interpret as rudeness are really not meant that way, and have more to do with my anxieties about being an ugly American than any reality.
A couple of things that I think apply especially to Bulgaria: in rural places, many people just aren't that used to seeing foreigners, and thus tend to stare out of genuine surprise; Bulgarians seem unaccustomed to hearing foreigners try to speak Bulgarian, and so have a tendency to laugh that can be more than a little off-putting, but is not a sign of any malevolence or condescension.
One things about Americans: many people accuse us of a sort of superficial friendliness with strangers, and I think a lot of Americans, particularly in certain parts of the country, just expect to be treated that way wherever they go.
well, we ARE unfriendly ... at least, most of us ...
Americans smile more than Bulgarians. They are also more likely to chat with strangers, so I see where expectations differ.
As to speaking English - it seems that Bulgarians try to use it any chance they get, everybody is inserting English into their speech these days.
Since you and elana are the only Bulgarians that I know, I'm sure I have a completely limited experience from which to speak. However, I would say (as a U.S. Southerner) that I often find it disconcerting when I go to other places (even other places inside the U.S.) where it seems to me that people don't smile a lot.
I also want to say that, at least in the South, I think the perception that we have a "superficial" friendliness is a misconception. I think (U.S.) Southerners are *really* friendly. Now, if what one means is that it's "superficial" in the sense that we aren't *really* friends, then maybe I would have to agree. But I think people are "friendly" all the time with people who aren't their "friends." It's just a matter of what sorts of corporeal indicators one associates with "friendliness."
For example, I think that I'm used to people being way more "touchy" than would be considered appropriate in other places. But, deapite my relative comfort with touching, I don't want someone to hang out in my "space" after the initial touch. That is, I'm pretty creeped out by someone standing/sitting too close or leaning in too far whne s/he speaks to me... whether s/he does that with a smile or not.
I never really understood the "superficiality" accusation. So what if people are superficially friendly?!
I demand authenticity from my friends and those that I have regular contact with.
On the street...I'd much rather people be superficially nice than genuinely rude!
I had the same experience in Paris as Eva -- I had heard over and over about the supposed "arrogant rudeness" of Parisians, but everyone there was very nice and even generous. (Not as generous as they were in Hungary or Turkey, but more generous than they were in Czech. Ironically, I like Czech the best.)
Then one night there was a miscommunication at a noisy nightclub. One of the customers was rude to me... but admittedly, only in response to my own rudeness. And considering that the whole conversation happened in English, what right did I really have to complain about the miscommunication?
The next day, I saw one of those stereotypical loud and fat American women yelling at a French person in the subway. It was clear that she was a rude and obnoxious person. It was also clear that she was frustrated. And I would be frustrated too if I were lost in Paris. I would probably even express my frustration by being rude. And in my own fit of frustration, I would probably even believe that everyone else around me were the ones who were being rude, even though it was really me.
As a Philadelphian, I think I would fit right in in Bulgaria because we 1) don't smile, b) are rude (actually, from this blog it seems like Bulgarians aren't rude, but Philadelphians definitely are), and c) like Bulgarians, have the same "brother" complex that Professor Grady mentioned in his blog.
And oh, also as a Philadelphian, I can say that people who are friendly to me for no reason make me very uncomfortable and I assume that they are trying to rob or kidnap me and may actually be on psychotropics. I'm not lying.
The most rude people I have ever seen are the swedish.Gosh they are horrible.As bulgarian in America I can say americans over smile and pretend they care how are you and how you doing,yak.No one give a sh*t.Its part of the everyday life.But the people in the south and midwest are nice and polite people.East coast americans suck!Nothing personal against anyone,just my own experience.And to all foreigners:give us some time to get use to you.We are very open and friendly people.And we can be great friends!Cheers :-)
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