bighead: where coffee, politics, and lipstick get equal consideration

NEW BLOG

noreply@blogger.com (petya) — Sat, 11 Oct 2008 22:33:00 +0000

Please visit my new blog: HOW TO MARRY A BULGARIAN.
It's where most of the action seems to be these days.

Hugs and kisses,
Petya

Ｈｏｗ　ｔｏ　Ｍａｒｒｙ　Ａ　Ｂｕｌｇａｒｉａｎ

noreply@blogger.com (petya) — Fri, 12 Sep 2008 04:29:00 +0000

As you may or may not have heard, I started a new blog titled How to Marry A Bulgarian.

Those of you have been here for a while will notice that it's not really a NEW blog per se. It's rather a collection of topical entries documenting the adventurous life of Prof. Grady and I. That and, of course, all the new stuff that I will be writing about starting today.

There are many reasons why I decided to do this:

In the last few months I have realized that writing about the comedic aspects of our family affairs gives me great joy and pleasure. The stories about our little weird issues and misunderstandings are by far my favorite stories on this blog.

Writing my feminist blog helped me realize how much easier it is to write regularly if your blog is at least somewhat topical. It is easier to generate ideas. It is easier to keep things up. And easy is good. Easy helps you write more.

Ever since I started writing about the bureaucratic issues with Kyle's residence permit and my green card application, I have been receiving numerous emails from other Bulgarians marrying non-Bulgarians or non-Bulgarians trying to make sense of or seek advice about their marriage to one of my fellow countrymen/women. It seems that a lot of us are going through a lot of the same trials and tribulations. So I would like to use the new blog to bring us all a little bit closer together. I hope it will be a place to chat, get the info that you need but also laugh about that thing we've gotten ourselves into.

Most importantly, however, I think that the blog will be interesting to all people who are dealing with other kinds of non-traditional relationship arrangements. Because all those things that may appear as obstacles at some point or another, really make our relationships that much more special and are often PRETTY DAMN FUNNY.

I might or might not write here. I haven't decided yet. But I promise to keep you posted. For now, check out How to Marry A Bulgarian, bookmark it, subscribe to the RSS feed and if you haven't said hi to me already, be sure to do so ASAP.

Much love to you all!

He lives

noreply@blogger.com (petya) — Thu, 11 Sep 2008 17:03:00 +0000

I'm at Saints. The guy sitting next to me has the exact same voice and accent as Borat.
From what I've gathered so far, he's a visiting math professor from Russia.

It was a good day

noreply@blogger.com (petya) — Mon, 01 Sep 2008 01:26:00 +0000

I had the biggest ice-cream cone of my life today, which made me very proud of myself.

Me: I finished it all by myself!!! I didn't even need to use a napkin!!!
Prof. Grady: Yeah. What you just said is the Pennsylvania version of that Ice Cube song, It was a Good Day.

So...yeah... We're doing pretty well these days. How have you been?

At the UPS store

noreply@blogger.com (petya) — Sat, 30 Aug 2008 23:28:00 +0000

Man: So, did you watch a little bit of news today?
Boy: Eeerrrr. No. Why? Was I on it?
Man: No! John McCain picked a WOMAN to be his vice-president.
Boy: Oh... (no enthusiasm nor surprise in his voice whatsoever)... I don't really follow the news. I work. I don't have the time.
Man: She is VERY conservative.
Boy: Aaah...
Man: Which is GOOD!!!

Anniversary

noreply@blogger.com (petya) — Mon, 25 Aug 2008 22:09:00 +0000

This time two years ago Prof. Grady learned to order мекици for himself. Три мекици и една кола was one of the first things he learned to say in Bulgarian.

This time last year, we were not really eating. We had no time. It was our wedding and all we did was drink champagne and dance.

In a couple of hours, we are going out to dinner to celebrate our first WEDDING WEDDING anniversary. I will be pracitising the five German sentences I learned earlier today in my first German class EVER.

See, we've come a full circle.

American, again

noreply@blogger.com (petya) — Wed, 20 Aug 2008 20:09:00 +0000

The other day prof. Grady and I went to a place called Irving's. As we were adding half $ half to our coffee, we started talking about the new cups they were using. MUCH better insulated... just SO MUCH BETTER, really. We leave and start walking down the street and keep talking about the cups and how wonderful they are and how great it is to be able to just HOLD your coffee and not feel like your hand is about to turn into charcoal and fall off.

That's when we realize we have already slipped back into being American. We expect fast, reliable, high-quality service + convenience, convenience, convenience everywhere we go.

I've got mixed feelings about this. On the one hand, I feel like I'm turning into a more uptight version of myself. I want things and I want them NOW. On the other hand, however, this uptight version of me is significantly more... relaxed. So I'll think twice before I complain about this.

Married in State College

noreply@blogger.com (petya) — Mon, 18 Aug 2008 18:27:00 +0000

Last time Kyle and I lived in State College was two years ago and we both HATED it. The crowds of disorderdly undergraduates late into the wee hours of the night, the football craze, the permanent smell of cafeteria food everywhere you go, the UGGs...Ugh!

We are back now and, strangely enough, it feels nothing like we remember it. On the surface, it looks just the same (although they have closed our favorite coffee place and we are still a little bit bitter about it). But we have been through so much since we left that we seem to be experiencing this same old place in a completely different way. We are finding ourselves *gasp* LIKING the damn place!!!!!

***

I never really thought I would ever get married. I didn't think it was necessary and I'm still not sure that it is. But being married, TODAY, seems to make all the difference between hating and loving a place. And THAT makes it all worthwhile.

Get ready, America!

noreply@blogger.com (petya) — Tue, 29 Jul 2008 07:55:00 +0000

So it is official. Kyle got a job. I got a green card. And we will be moving back to Penn State in just a couple of weeks.

Earlier today:

Me: Baby! We should bring a bottle of rakia with us to the States.
Prof. Grady: Yes! And maybe we could make a suitcase out of kashkaval...and fill it with vafli.

Get ready, America! We are coming, bearing gifts!

Sofia's week of intolerance

noreply@blogger.com (petya) — Sun, 29 Jun 2008 11:23:00 +0000

I am reposting Kyle's impressions of the events that led up to Bulgaria's First Gay Pride Parade with his permission. We talked and lived through a lot of this together and I do not think I could add anything to his story, other than a thank you for his thoughtful write-up:

Scattered impressions from a long, tense week in Sofia:

-Last Sunday, the Bulgarian National Union (БНС)—an ultra-nationalist political organization with no representation in parliament—held a press conference in protest against yesterday's Gay Pride parade, denouncing homosexuality as immoral, and calling for a "Week of Intolerance" under the slogan "Be Intolerant, Be Normal"

-The "debate" over gay rights dominated the news media throughout the week, with some networks hosting news talk shows devoted to the topic every night, featuring such matchups as BNU leader Boyan Rasate (more on him later) vs. our very own Petya Kirilova-Grady. Bulgarian politicians certainly helped to fan the flames of the controversy—Prime Minister Sergei Stanishev voiced his disapproval of "the manifestation and demonstration of such orientations"—while many speculated that the government was simply trying to shift attention away from certain other issues they would prefer not to talk about, like the sales of a state-owned power plant and of 540 hectares of land located within a legally-protected national park, both to individuals with suspected ties to organized crime. (To watch Petya's TV appearance, visit the re:tv archive and selct the video-clip labelled "'Булебард България' от 23-ти юни - 3-та част")

-Members of the right-wing party Ataka began posting comments on their website calling for violence against the participants in the parade. Clearly, some of this was meant merely to intimidate, as similar comments began popping up in forums on the website of Gemini, Bulgaria's largest LGBT organization, detailing plans for building "бомбички" ("little bombs") with nails inside of them and other home-made weapons, and promising to bus violent nationalist protesters from all over the country into Sofia for the day of the parade. Meanwhile, Gemini's executive director, Aksinia Gencheva, received death threats.

-In its first incursion into political life since it decided to call for a boycott of Harry Potter novels, the Bulgarian Orthodox church called for the cancellation of the parade, while denouncing homosexuality as a "sin" and a "disease." From the church's official statement: "Such public appearances promote immorality and try to supplant the established family values. We do not denounce and despise these people but we denounce the sin of homosexuality, and its scandalous advertising."

-Capital, generally one of Bugaria's better newspapers, decided to run this cartoon, without any commentary, as their entire coverage of the controversy surrounding the parade. After receiving letters from disappointed readers, they did issue a weak apology, attributing the view expressed in the cartoon to its author, but failing to explicitly state their own views on these events.

-On Thursday afternoon, two days before the parade, Sofia mayor Boiko Borisov, whose own office initially granted the permit for the parade, announced through the media that the parade would be moved into a park outside of the downtown area, and changed into a "demonstration." Borisov cited safety concerns as the reason behind the change of venue, although it is not exactly evident how a park surrounded by dense woods could be considered an easier place to maintain crowd control and prevent attacks against the demonstrators. In any case, the new location would certainly have meant a much lower profile for the event, and seemed to many people to be nothing more than capitulation to the calls for intolerance and condemnation, most of those based on ridiculous stereotypes and misinformation. After an eleventh-hour meeting with leaders from Gemini and pressure from international human rights organizations, Boiko again reversed his decision, and agreed to let the parade take place in downtown Sofia, albeit on a modified route.

It should go without saying that all of this set up a very tense scene on Saturday. The parade itself, which was marked by confusion, anxiety, and tension, felt more like a final verdict than the main event, and I'm happy to report that in spite of all the negativity that surrounded it, the parade was an unqualified success. Details in another post.

I will repost his entry about the parade itself as soon as it's posted.

First Gay Pride in Bulgaria

noreply@blogger.com (petya) — Mon, 16 Jun 2008 20:54:00 +0000

Yes! We are having our very first Gay Pride Parade at the end of this month. It's going to be on June 28, to be precise.

I am both super excited but also extremely worried. The first Gay Pride in neighboring Belgrade, back in 2001, was VERY violent...I believe LGBT organizations there have never been able to organize another parade since then. Also, I've already seen notes from the Bulgarian major nationalist party urging their supporters to organize a counter-protest...At any rate, it is so insane, I am embarrassed to even translate it.

I wonder what to do... Blog about it, talk about, write people, call all my journalist friends and ask them to cover the event...I feel this sense of urgency...like...it's now or never, you know. We either do a good job this time or we fuck things up for people for years to come...

Any ideas?

Maybe...should have mentioned it

noreply@blogger.com (petya) — Mon, 02 Jun 2008 22:01:00 +0000

On June 2nd Bulgarians commemorate Hristo Botev, a revolutionary fighter and organizer who died back in 1876.

Each year, at noon on June 2nd, sirens go off. People stop in their tracks and stand still for a minute, hopefully thinking of those who fell in a fight for our indepdence.

June 2nd, 2008. Gtalk.

Prof. Grady: Babe?
Me: Yes?
Prof. Grady: Should we be concerned about the air-raid sirens?

Ooops. I should have said something about it in advance, huh?

Smiling Bulgarians

noreply@blogger.com (petya) — Sun, 01 Jun 2008 16:09:00 +0000

Prof. Grady and I went grocery shopping yesterday to a biggish store called FANTASTICO. Pretty fantastic, I know.

We were sort of arguing over what kind of pasta would go with the sauce we had in mind when I was distracted by a middle-aged couple walking by. Were they doing anything strange? you might wonder. Well, they were speaking American English. Which, in our neck of the woods counts as mighty strange behavior.

So I did what any self-respecting Southerner would do. I stuck my nose right into their business (the herbs and spices section of FANTASTICO) and asked them, Are you guys AMERICAN!? Which prompted a lengthy conversation about produce markets and rude driving in Bulgaria, among other things. They were sweet and honest and we really liked talking to them... except for I kind of hated one thing the guy said and it's sort of been bothering me for the last 24 hours or so...

He said that when they first got here he really hated Bulgaria and especially hated Bulgarians. He thought they were really unfriendly people and felt like it took 6 months to force a smile out of somebody.

Which is totally NOT my experience with Bulgarians, although, I realize I am not exactly the one to speak with the utmost authority on the subject. I got really taken aback for some reason but have been trying to hide if from my husband as at the end of the conversation he said Ah! It's so nice to finally find someone who shares some of my frustrations with Bulgaria...

I think he was mostly referring to the rude driving part of the conversation...

Like a good wife, instead of talking to him, I am blogging about it.

Good things recently

noreply@blogger.com (petya) — Tue, 27 May 2008 22:18:00 +0000

1. Planning and shopping for our first dinner party at our new place. Yummm.
2. Learning not to take things personally.
3. REALLY KNOWING in my heart that the best things in life ARE free.
4. Bitching.
5. Jean cut-offs. Totally summer-of-85...loving them just as much.

***
P.S. This is a warm-up post before I actually return to full-time blogging mode here... some time later this week.

The professor...

noreply@blogger.com (petya) — Tue, 15 Apr 2008 19:57:00 +0000

...He's a DOCTOR now!!!!!
Upon my mom's recommendation, I am getting myself a drink.

Almost...PhD

noreply@blogger.com (petya) — Tue, 15 Apr 2008 12:40:00 +0000

In a couple of hours Prof. Grady is about to stand in front of a committee and defend his dissertation.

Please wish him luck.

Very appropriate

noreply@blogger.com (petya) — Mon, 14 Apr 2008 17:50:00 +0000

I take public transportation to work. In Sofia, we've got these taxi/bus hybrids called marshrutki that you can flag down from anywhere on the street (like a taxi) but still have a dedicated route (like a public bus). It's quite convenient, actually. If you're lucky, you get the speed and comfort of a cab for the price of a regular public transport vehicle. If you aren't lucky...you feel like you've experienced the spin-cycle of a fairly advanced washer. It's basically a crapshoot, but what are you to do.

This morning as usual, I hail my marshrutka. It pulls over a bit far from me. Marshrutka drivers seem to like to make people run for the van...like, they really want you to show them that you want to get in their particular car and that you really mean it. I am wearing heels and running as fast as I can and as I am running, I reach for my wallet and take my money out, open the marshrutka door and jump in. We take off before I have managed to pull myself together but I throw my money at the driver, he hands me my change and as he is speeding away, I reach to place it back into my wallet. And my wallet is nowhere to be found. Fuck.

I ask the driver to pull over, run back to where I got on, get on all four and search the area. Don't find anything, except for an old PEZ despenser and a broken keychain. My wallet was officially gone. Together with it: my ID, debit cards, credit cards, a bunch of bandaids, family pictures and one of the very first love letters that I got from my husband. Fuck.

***

People at the office were very sweet and supportive. They've all gone through the whole "report-a-stolen-wallet" procedure here in Sofia and know that I've got quite an adventure coming my way...dealing with multiple administrative offices and what not...My boss felt so bad for me, she actually went and got me a little pink wallet with a cute sheep on it. Her card said, When you lose something, you never know if you're not winning at the same time. Totally adorable, I know.

When I told my sister about it, she said, That's very appropriate.

See...in Bulgaria, calling someone a sheep means you're saying they're dumb. Not too far from the truth, given the circumstances.

Too much information, but still...

noreply@blogger.com (petya) — Wed, 09 Apr 2008 10:05:00 +0000

My sister Ina lives in Bremen, so a lot of our conversations happen online. We talk about work and life and exchange music and gossip and laugh A LOT. Every time I talk to her, 20 minutes into the conversation, I end up needing to go to the bathroom. I am not making this up, I swear. We say hello-hello and start chatting and inevitably, 20 minutes in, I’m taking a poop-break.

Ina says that this happens because she helps me relax.

Muxtape

noreply@blogger.com (petya) — Sun, 06 Apr 2008 22:16:00 +0000

It's been a little while since I've drunk-blogged...but here I am...Back from an awesome wedding party and all I want to do is tell you all that I hope there's tons of love in your life and that that you should all check out Prof. Kirilov-Grady's Muxtape. Due to Jameson overload, I've only added one song to my own account.

Peace out.

If you are starting to think you hate your job...

noreply@blogger.com (petya) — Fri, 28 Mar 2008 14:27:00 +0000

It's been a hard week at the office for me. Nothing bad happened, to the contrar y. It was just hard. Lots of things to take care of, lots of people to talk to, lot's back-and-forth, lots of emails and pixels flying in all kinds of directions...Stress, stress, stress. I was complaining a tiny bit to my little sister who promptly alerted me to the following text:

When you have an 'I Hate My Job' day, try this...

On your way home from work, stop at your pharmacy and go to the thermometer section and purchase a rectal termometer made by Johnson & Johnson.

Be very sure you get this brand. When you get home, lock your doors, draw the curtains and disconnect the phone so you will not be disturbed. Change into very comfortable clothing and sit in your favorite chair. Open the package and remove the thermometer. Now, carefully place it on the table or surface so that it will not become chipped or broken.

Now the fun part begins.

Take out the literature from the box and read it carefully. You will notice that in small print there is a statement: 'Every Rectal Thermometer made by Johnson & Johnson is personally tested and then sanitized.'

Now, close your eyes and repeat out loud five times, "I am so glad I do not work in the thermometer quality control department at Johnson & Johnson."

Have a Nice Day and Remember, There is Always someone else with a Job that is More of a Pain in the A$$ than Yours!

And now I'm smiling. Hope you are too.

***
via alvin, via LifeSupport

Life

noreply@blogger.com (petya) — Wed, 19 Mar 2008 13:48:00 +0000

Anne Lamott is one of my favorite writers of all time. She is wise and funny and neurotic. Just my kind of writer. In her book on parenting, Operating Instructions, she quotes her son Sam (age 7) saying:

I think I already understand about life: pretty good, some problems.

Which, strangely enough, is exactly how I feel about it. What's been life like for you these days? You've been awfully quiet and I miss you.

Good things recently

noreply@blogger.com (petya) — Wed, 12 Mar 2008 09:21:00 +0000

Because I know you are just pulling your hair out, trying to figure out what the hell's going on with me...here's what I've been up to these days:

1. Dinner parties with people that make you laugh so hard, your face starts to hurt. Leaving the party only to get a call 2 minutes later from one of our friends saying I don’t remember the last time I had so much fun.
2. Listening to music with my husband. Active. Listening. Sitting down and listening to tracks we thought we had forgotten and realizing some songs still bring tears to our eyes.
3. Packing to move to our own apartment. It’s small but it will be ours. Well, my parents’…but you know what I mean.
4. Running around Sofia, taking pictures with the Professor. Photo projects are HAAARRD.
5. Getting more email from people saying Hi, my partner is Bulgarian too. Dropping you a line to say hi… It’s because of emails like this that I love blogging.

I know it’s been a little bit quieter here and I know that some of you blame my other blog for that. But after some re-shuffling of commitments and priorities, I will be able to handle both. Hope you’ll stick around.

Spring Fever

noreply@blogger.com (petya) — Wed, 05 Mar 2008 21:59:00 +0000

n.
A feeling of restlessness, excitement, or laziness brought on by the coming of spring.

...in my case...it's pretty much ALL of the above.

***

via answers.com

Честита Баба Марта from the K-G's!

noreply@blogger.com (petya) — Sat, 01 Mar 2008 11:51:00 +0000

Copyright 2008 Kyle Grady

This year we outdid ourselves: got props, broke a camera and smashed a knee in the process of taking the photo. But hey, Baba Marta is our favorite Bulgarian holiday...So...no regrets.

Happy Baba Marta to you all!

Life lessons from 2007

noreply@blogger.com (petya) — Mon, 25 Feb 2008 14:54:00 +0000

I saw this at my new online friend Nicodile’s blog and loved the idea so much that decided to do it myself.

January: It's hard to live on two continents.
Ask my husband. For a couple of months there he had the longest commute ever. Sofia-Philly 7726 km.

February: People are very curious about sex.
And are not embarrassed to talk about it. On this very blog, we discussed the advantages of mint-flavored condoms and giving blow-jobs after having crunched an altoid.

March: Love knows no boundaries.
Again, proven by my husband. Who jumped on a plane and moved to mother-fuckin’ Bulgaria. Just to be with me. What can I say, I’m lucky.

April: It takes a village.
Like Hillary says, it takes a village to raise a child. In other words, to achieve great success, you need to learn to ask for help and rely on those around you. Said lesson was put into to practice as soon as we started applying for Kyle’s Bulgarian residence permit. I blogged about it and as a result have made a great number of friends who, to quote my favorite Tyra Banks, are still in the running towards becoming Bulgarian residents.

May: If you believe in what you do, other people will believe in what you do. And vice versa.
In May, a couple of lovely people from Orbitel contacted us with a job. It was about something that neither myself nor the professor had done before. But we thought, heck, if they think we can do it, we can probably do it. Which we did. And we have been working together ever since. Sometimes all you need is a person to believe in you. In our case, we had an entire department.

June: When moving, don’t move to a better apartment. Move to a good apartment.
Which we learned the hard way, naturally. There were things about our previous apartment that we hated. So we decided to look for a new one. We found one and thought, Oh, wow! It’s so much better than the old one! and we signed the lease without thinking twice. Needless to say, as soon as we moved in, we realized it was definitely a better apartment than the old one. But also noticed that it was not a good apartment by any stretch of the imagination.

July: You don’t need a wedding planner to plan a wedding.
You need a bride. A groom. And wordpress.

August: Your wedding is probably not the best day of your life.
But sure as hell, it is tuns of fun.

September: Life is what happens when your plans fall through.
We had very ambitious honeymoon plans. We planned to pull a Johnny Cash and by the end of it be able to say, I’ve been everywhere, man! Instead, we ended up being stuck in Philly and having a blast.

October: Just do it.
My friend Bogdana felt like she couldn’t find a good women’s magazine to read. So she started her own.

November: Take control of your finances.
Which is a lesson I have taken to heart and have made significant progress on. The first step was to decide I want to do it. The second: to start tracking my expenses. My next step: put together a budget. I’ll keep you posted how things go…but so far…it’s been illuminating.

December: When in Rome…(do as the Romans do)
On December 6, my husband celebrated his first Bulgarian name-day ever. He did not eat fish, as he is vegetarian, but he made sure enough rakia was consumed.

bighead: where coffee, politics, and lipstick get equal consideration

NEW BLOG

Ｈｏｗ ｔｏ Ｍａｒｒｙ Ａ Ｂｕｌｇａｒｉａｎ

He lives

It was a good day

At the UPS store

Anniversary

American, again

Married in State College

Get ready, America!

Sofia's week of intolerance

First Gay Pride in Bulgaria

Maybe...should have mentioned it

Smiling Bulgarians

Good things recently

The professor...

Almost...PhD

Very appropriate

Too much information, but still...

Muxtape

If you are starting to think you hate your job...

Life

Good things recently

Spring Fever

Честита Баба Марта from the K-G's!

Life lessons from 2007

Ｈｏｗ　ｔｏ　Ｍａｒｒｙ　Ａ　Ｂｕｌｇａｒｉａｎ